Adam pulled up to the bluff exhausted, more so than usual. He wasn’t sure how long he would have to wait, so he sat there in his car eating a cheap pepperoni pizza he picked up on the way, listening to the radio while watching the sun set, one of his favorite things to do. He sat there for two hours waiting patiently for God to show up but nothing happened. He considered leaving but knew he would regret it. God said be here. Had God changed their mind again? And since when does God change their mind? It was then Adam saw a blinding bright light behind him. Through the light Adam saw a silhouette of a figure approaching him then another blinding light right in his face.
“Everything seem to be ok there, Pal?” the dark figure asked.
“Uh, God?” Adam asked.
“Yeah, I’ve got a 10-60 up here on the overlook. Can you send some backup?”
“Copy, they’re on their way now.” a crackled voice returned. It was then that Adam noticed the figure had a holster and handcuffs on his hip.
“I haven’t been drinking sir, that was just a joke. I came up here to watch the sun set. Everything is fine.” Adam said.
“Well, we’ll just have to see about this. Can I see your license and registration?” the officer demanded.
Adam handed the officer his driver’s license, to which the officer relayed the information on it to the dispatch through the radio.
Can you step out of the vehicle?” the figure demanded and to which Adam complied. “Stand over here for a minute.” The officer shined a flashlight around Adam’s car, noticing pizza boxes, take-out bags, and half empty gallon jugs. “What’s in the jugs?”
“Sweet tea.” Adam said.
“You know the sunset was two hours ago, right? Or are you waiting for it to come back around?” the officer asked.
“I’ve just been sitting here, sir.” Adam said.
“For two hours?”
“Yes sir.”
The officer had Adam spread his legs and arms out while he patted him down, including his crotch.
“No warrants came up.” the crackled voice on the radio said.
“Can I get you to stand on one leg while looking at the sky?” The officer asked. Adam complied. “Now I want you to touch your nose one hand at a time.”
Adam complied with this and several other equally silly requests until another car pulled up, the officer’s backup. Two more officers got out of the car and approached.
“He said he’s just been sitting here for over two hours.” the initial officer shouted to them.
The two new officers split and stood on both sides of Adam’s car, shining a flashlight inside.
“Well, at least it doesn’t look like he litters.” the second officer joked.
“Do you have anything in your vehicle that is illegal that we should know about?” the third officer asked.
“No sir.” Adam said, knowing damn well there was a small wooden pipe carved in the shape of a lizard in the floor under his passenger seat, but disagreeing with the idea that the officers needed to know about it.
Is it ok if we search your vehicle?” the second officer demanded.
“I’d rather you not.” Adam replied.
“Got something to hide?” the first officer asked.
“No sir.”
“Then why don’t you want us to search your vehicle?”
“Well, I don’t know why I would want that.” Adam replied.
“If you got nothing to hide then it shouldn’t be a problem.”
“I’m just saving you time anyway. You saw how junky my car is. You know how long that would take?” Adam said.
“I’ve got all night.” the officer said.
“Sure, be my guest.” Adam said.
For what seemed like an eternity but was likely closer to 15 minutes the two officers removed everything from Adam’s car and placed it on the ground, pulling out underwear from his gym bag and dumping the take-out bags and other trash but still nothing incriminating. They sniffed the jugs and found that it was, in fact, sweet tea.
“We have a 10-62 in progress at 1401 E Main. All units respond.” the crackled voice from the radio on the officer’s shoulders said.
“Copy, we’re headed there now.” one of the officers spoke into their shoulder before getting back into their car and peeling off in a hurry. The first officer gave Adam his drivers license and did the same, leaving Adam to pick up the things that were thrown out of his car, including the trash.
A 10-62, whatever that was, never made anyone more relieved than Adam felt. But that didn’t make up for the disappointment he felt in being stood up by God. He considered staying longer but also considered what would happen if the deputy do-rights return.
“Ah, fuck it” he said and fished the pipe from out from under his seat and tossed it over the bluff. He got back in his car, turned the radio up, and sat there waiting some more, now with nothing truly to hide.