“A lot of people think I’m crazy when I tell them I talked to you. I tried to tell them that you are real but I might as well be convincing them I talked to Santa Claus.” Adam said.
“What about the ones that do believe in me? They are understanding, aren’t they?” God asks.
“I don’t know if ‘understanding’ is the word I would use, exactly. ” Adam said.
“How so?” God asks.
“Well, their understanding is off; none of them seem to know you. Not like ‘know you, know you.’ You know? When they talk about you, the person they describe is nothing like who I know you to be.” Adam said.
“For example?” God asks.
“For one, that they refer to you as a person.”
“That’s just ego. They can barely understand themselves otherwise they would realize everything they see is a reflection of themselves. Psychology calls it ‘projection.’”
“Well why can’t you talk to them? That would pretty much solve a lot of problems, don’t you think?” Adam said.
“Most of you can’t tell the difference between my voice and your own. Have you tried correcting them about me?”
“Yeah. They accused me of being the antichrist.” Adam said, staring blankly.
God let out a snort of a laugh “I’m sorry they are clueless. I’d say that’s ironic but that’s ironically expected.”
“What do you mean?” Adam asked.
“It’s complicated.” God says.
“Why does everything have to be complicated? Can’t things just be simple?” Adam asked.
“Like an amoeba? If that’s what you want, to be a simple single cell organism? Would that satisfy you? You’d likely complain about that too.” God says.
“That’s not what I meant by ‘simple.” Adam said.
“No, no. I like this idea. Because you actually wouldn’t be able to complain.” God says.
“I meant simple as in…”
“You wouldn’t even be able to want, much less want to complain. I might be able to get some sleep without being woken by you crying all the time.” God says. A distant cloud flashed silver.
“I don’t cry all the time. Is that the only option for a good simple life? Be a single cell organism?” Adam asked.
“No, but the more I think about it, the more I think you’re onto something. And there isn’t a single period throughout all of human history where I haven’t had to listen to your bellyaching.” God says.
“Well I’m sorry for being a complicated waste. If being an amoeba will stop me from feeling like this and will make you happy, I am willing. Let’s do it. Where do we start? You’ll never have to hear a peep from me again.”
“Eh, you’re right. You’d just figure out a way to learn to complain. Besides, going backwards is not how this works.” God says.
“I can’t find anything that does work. Can you please tell me what I am doing wrong?” Adam asked.
“It’s not that simple. Right and wrong is often a matter of perspective, not a clear easy answer. Sometimes the correct choice requires compromise.” God says.
“You don’t strike me as the type to compromise.” Adam said.
“We’re talking about you and your choices.” God says.
“I don’t feel like I have choices. I feel like a pinball bouncing around aimlessly, either banging against things or getting smacked senseless by the paddles. And it all ends the same anyway, with me eventually circling into the gutter no matter how well I do.” Adam said.
“Flippers.” God says.
“What?” Adam asked.
“The things at the bottom of a pinball machine. They’re called flippers. Not paddles.” God says.
“Well, whatever they are called, I’m tired of things being like this. Why did you have to create things this way? It’s miserable.” Adam said.
“It’s all a matter of perspective. When you look at things from a certain point of view, it all makes sense. If you can’t see a clear picture, sometimes you just need to flip your perspective.” God says.
Adam begged, “Can I just please go home? I don’t like it here; I’m tired of this loneliness.”
A dense silence. Adam fought through the thickness of the moment to look longingly up at God. Tears pooled in Adam’s lower eyelids. After what seemed like an eternity Adam choked “I have no place here. I’m ready for it all to be over. Can you please let me go home?”
“I remember when we were first introduced to each other. That was such a special day for me. I felt a real connection. It’s why I’ve always liked talking to you.” God says.
“I vaguely remember. Surely it’s been enough time. Can we go back to that?! I promise I will be good.”
“When I heard you crying earlier it reminded me of that day.” God says.
“It was such a great time when it was just you and me. We could talk into forever. You would tell me the secrets of the universe.” Adam said.
“That’s not how it ended though.” God says.
“I regret that it ended. I made a mistake. I want to take it back. Please let me take it back?”
“It’s not possible to take things back. Once things are in motion they stay in motion, at least until they are moved by an outside force. Besides, what happened was inevitable. Do you remember?” God says.
“Yeah, I do.” Adam said.
“You were lonely. You wanted someone else like you.” God says.
“It was humiliating always being the dumb one in the room when it was just you and me.” Adam said.
“Do you think that has changed?” God says.
“I know a lot more than I did. And I’m ready to learn more. I didn’t realize just how much there was to learn. I had no idea how much I didn’t know existed to know. It was a mistake to think I needed anyone but you.” Adam says.
God considered this for a moment. The truth of Adam’s statement wasn’t unnoticed. It was in moments like this God considered themself and their own existence. Words cannot express the discomfort this made God feel.